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I agreed with that…jut days ago. I am 23 and feel like I have not done a SINGLE thing for myself. When I am around a bunch of people and they start talking about school and careers, I agree and congratulate them but quickly excuse myself from the group to avoid embarrassment. I can’t say that I have done a single thing that I am proud of (for myself, of course) and that I am passionate about. When we went to my Uncle’s we were a little buzzed and he started talking about family, and kids, and the future and aging and realizing what life is about. Then he started talking about being passionate about something. I don’t even remember what he asked as I was in a deep thought about my life. But, I remember answering “I wish I would have stayed in dance…”. I am 23 but you know what…I think I want to pursue it. Just for myself. Just so I can say I did what I always wanted to do! I don’t know why but for some reason I have this motivation that I have lost in a bad relationship and have been searching for. I feel great. *sigh*

I am off to party city because they are having a sale on party supplies for a party I am planning. I love sales.

Also, I saw on a someone elses blog that they did a “100 Things About Me” and I think that sounds like fun! I have to finish laundry right now.

I feel giddy.

P.S. As for that quote that was on “So you think you can dance…”….I refuse to put my youth to waste…

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Taken back…

Life is all about…the moment. Some people realize it and some people don’t. When you are in elementary school and the “popular” girl calls you out in front of your friends, you feel humiliated and you feel as if your life is going to end. Same in junior high and in high school. It is true…what they say. Doesn’t matter what you were in high school. It is much different than the real world. I remember people used to tell me when I was in school….”Live life…don’t let the little things get to you. It won’t matter when you are out of school”. “Oh please! You don’t understand the humility I just endured!”. Now, I find myself telling people the same thing and think back and wonder if they think I am crazy.

Aside from past bullies, there are also those things AFTER school. College, raising a child that was an “uh-oh”, jobs, insecurities, weight, relationships. I have put a lot of things aside in my lifetime. Those “in a year”, “maybe next week”, and “oh, I will start tomorrow” excuses, I have come to realize tonight, have turned into “Man, I remember 4 years ago I said I would do this”. If I would have gone to college straight out of high school instead of saying “I will take a year off”, I would right now be graduating with my Bachelors degree. Instead, I didn’t even get a chance to finish my Associates. I said I would lose weight, and never did…but rather gained, of course. I thought by now I would be making a lot of money living in a very nice apartment and saving money for a house since I have this fabulous career. I have no job and living with my mother. I make [living with my mom] sound worse than it is…maybe to give me a boost of motivation.

I got a major blessing today. I have always had a reason to better myself…but I now have the ability to do so. In December…I hope to blog about how things have changed. I will be working on myself. I have had two terrible relationships.

The first guy cheated on me and got the girl pregnant and left me. The second one…for 2 of the 3 years we were together…called me worthless, deadbeat, stupid, dumb, lazy, and burnt me with a cigg, hit my arm, and kicked my back. When I threatened to leave and finally stood up for myself…he started crying and I asked what he was crying for…and he threatened to beat my face in. For years…I have told myself that maybe I AM worthless. I have lost who I truly am.

I am funny, honest, loyal, hard working, shy. I love to have fun, love sight seeing, love traveling, love taking pictures. I love laughing, love stories, love girly things, love to relax with friends and family. My friends and family mean the world to me.

Enough of that. I just want to let people see and help bring out the me that I once was. I am going to live today and make it happen TODAY…not think back on how I should of done it…four years from now.

Love,

A.C.

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